The Month That Nearly Broke Him Pidgin English Version

 Read the original English version here: The Month That Nearly Broke Him

Author's Note: This is the Pidgin English version of the story, written for readers who want to experience authentic Nigerian street language. I know it can feel tricky at first — especially for my American readers and others new to it — but give it a try!

With a little time, you'll start picking up the rhythm and discover how funny, lively, and hilarious Pidgin can be. I created this especially for my global audience so everyone can enjoy the real flavor of these twisted tales.

Thanks for every click and for joining me on this journey. Let's learn and laugh together!

Listen.

March dey show face like person wey never decide whether to smile or slap you proper. People still dey figure out how the new year go favour them — that confusing time when life never show you the road e wan take you.

Prince no dey enjoy that morning at all. February don already drag am like wet load wey no want dry. Him no even like remember that month. But the memory just dey follow am like shadow.

That particular day, Mira enter the room with face like storm cloud wey dey gather rain. She no waste time.

"Babe," she say, voice low but sharp like knife, "I never see my period."

Prince freeze on the spot. Sweat break out on his body like say NEPA just bring light after one full month of darkness. Him throat go dry instantly. Inside him, small voice already dey cry: "This year just start oh... how this one go take double my wahala?"

He swallow hard and manage to stammer, "Wetin you mean?"

"I never see my period," Mira repeat, eyes flashing. "Abeg be serious — I fit don get belle."

Prince shake head fast-fast. "Abeg oh, I never ready to born pikin now. Why you no remind me to use protection?"

Mira vex sharp. "No be you dey talk say condom no dey sweet? Na you dey hold my waist dey shout 'harder' every time. Now you wan push everything on me?"

He try laugh am off, but the laugh come out dry like harmattan wind. "See, no call belle around me abeg. Na jazz or something — make we no rush."

"You no want to be papa?" Mira press am, voice rising small.

Prince imagine the thing: small pikin dey cry every night, "Papa, give me food oh." Him shoulder drop like heavy sack. "Abeg, I no strong for that kind responsibility now. Things dey tight — doctor don warn me say if I stress too much, blood pressure go blow me like bomb."

"So wetin we go do?" she ask.

"You mean wetin you go do?" Prince fire back before him tongue fit hold.

"Na we two oh, no be only me!" Mira shout, anger dey mix with fear now.

Prince rub him face, thinking about the small money wey e don save. "Go commot am abeg... but how?"

He pick phone quick, call one friend wey sabi that side. When the woman drop the price — ten thousand dollar — Prince feel like ground open under him. "Ten k? Na the only savings I get oh! I never even chop proper, now I go blow everything on this?"

Mira shake head. "Na wa oh... e too cost."

Prince look her sideways, blame dey boil inside. But deep down, the real fear no be only the money. Na the thought say one small mistake fit turn him whole life to ashes before the year even enter second quarter.

That February worry follow am like stubborn ghost. Him think the world go end when Mira bring that news. He hurriedly arrange the expensive drug, but before anything, he drag her go laboratory for test.

Inside the waiting room, Prince pray like person wey dey fight for him last breath:

"Dear Baba God, I know I don do bad thing. You talk make we no fornicate, but I dey disobey you sha. No be entirely my fault oh — one night stand lust almost kpai me before my time. Abeg no vex, forgive me. Make this result come out negative, and I no go do am again. I go stop to cause you wahala. Amen."

When the technician come out with heavy sigh, Prince heart almost stop. Him shout inside: "E don happen oh." But when the paper land for him hand and him eye reach the bottom — Negative — Prince dance right there for the lab. Laugh burst out from him belle. For the first time in many days, him feel like him fit breathe again.

Now, walking along the road in March, him still dey shake head. The ten-thousand-dollar drug dey sit for house like reminder of the mistake wey almost break am. As him near him friend Tam house, him mutter to himself, "Prevention is better than cure."

Tam dey look like person wey death don already shake hand with. Before, Tam be big boy — fat and shining. Now e thin like stick wey wind fit blow away. Him almost die because of one babalawo ritual wey promise quick money. The baba say make Tam fast for many days. Tam obey like mumu. Now e dey lie down weak, eye dey sink inside head.

Prince buy bread and cold Coca-Cola on the way. He give am to Tam. "My brother, eat small. No kill yourself because of shortcut."

Tam weak voice come: "I be fool, Prince. I think say money fit fall from sky. Now I see say nothing good dey come quick."

They sit in silence for small time. Prince think about him own February wahala — the false alarm, the blame game, the wasted panic. Tam think about how him almost kpai for nothing.

That quiet moment teach them both something deep.

No shortcut dey for this life. Whether na pregnancy scare wey cost you all your savings, or babalawo ritual wey almost kill you — desperation only dey dig deeper hole. Hard work and patience na the real road. Prevention better pass cure every time.

Prince stand up to leave. Him look back at Tam wey dey chew the bread slow-slow.

"Next time, make we no rush again," him say.

Tam nod weak. "True talk, my brother."

As Prince waka commot, him still dey feel the weight of February on him shoulder. But small relief dey there too. The month nearly break am.

But e no break am.

And that lesson — e go stay with am for the rest of the year.

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